Fulfilling the Rubric:
• For each of the two possible solutions, you were meant to discuss the cost and the outcomes.
o Since you have the costs of both solutions under a separate heading, I recommend that you also have “outcomes” under a separate heading so that your professor can clearly see that you included both costs and outcomes
• “compare alternatives”
o In your very last paragraph, you need to include more about why you chose the first option. Compare the costs of both programs—you only have one short sentence about how it is more cost-effective. Maybe elaborate a tiny bit more.
Compare the ease of implementation and how realistic it is to implement them. You only have a few short sentences on comparing the two options, and I think extending this portion of the essay will benefit you.
• The rubric mentions that you need to identify how your solutions are related to existing government statutes, regulations, legislations or programs.
o For your first solution, you need to include the government program in charge of increasing newborn vaccinations. There should be programs that do this for each state. Pick regulations in Oregon. Here is the link for that if you need an example:
o Talk about the government organization in your state as an example (the rubric asks that you name specific programs). Also find a national organization in charge of tracking immunizations and talk about that organization as well.
There should also be government regulations that set goals for a minimum percentage of newborn vaccinations each year—talk about where the nation is on that goal (ex. have we reached our goal of vaccinating 98% of newborn babies?
What has prevented us from reaching that goal?
Does the same source address the importance of educating parents on vaccines?)
o Do the same sort of thing with your second solution. Name actual organizations, programs, and legislation—your rubric calls for that.
• You also need to identify members or groups that support your solutions. It asks for members of congress, professional societies, or government agencies that support each solution.
This should be easy to look up and find—but you haven’t really listed any specific names or groups for this either. Your rubric states that you need to list them, so I highly recommend doing some research, adding some sources, and discussing this as well.
• Clear outline of the costs
o Your rubric asks you to identify who would burden the costs. Would it be the public? Would it be the system? The government? I think you mention this a little in your paper, but it wouldn’t hurt to be more specific since your rubric mentions it explicitly.
• Space
o Your paper has to be 6-8 pages long. Right now you’re at 7 pages, excluding the title page and references. Once you add all the stuff I mentioned above, its going to be longer than 8 pages, but that’s ok.
Send me your paper again after adding all of the above, and we can go through it together and cut out any phrases that are redundant or repetitive.
In some paragraphs, you state the same point more than once—I didn’t go through and cut these out yet because I didn’t want you to feel like I really stripped down your paper. Once you add the things I mentioned, we can go through and cut out what isn’t necessary.
