COM 220 Discussion #7 Classmates response
Respond to the two classmates posts. In this assignment, the writer needs to respond to each classmate, about a paragraph each.
A substantive response to your peer does the following…
Advances the discussion of a topic—says something new
Demonstrates creative and original thought
Provides reasons for a perspective—e.g. if it is agreeing or disagreeing with the assessment, it explains why
Cites evidence (e.g., from the text, lecture, personal experience)
Is courteous (e.g., demonstrates respectful disagreement)
Is professional (you do not need to be excessively formal, but avoid spelling and grammar errors)
Classmate #1 (Connor McCarthy)
1. The factors that led to my closest friendship were proximity, mere exposure and similarities. Our friendship began when we were 7 years old, and proximity was a factor because he lived on the street next to me. We met when he was in the car with his mom looking for his lost dog and he recognized me from a hockey camp. Mere exposure allowed the friendship to further develop as we began having playdates and spending a lot of time together. Our similarities and mutual interest in hockey grew our friendship even more. We attended hockey camps, played on the same youth hockey team and always played street hockey together since we lived so close to one another. I agree that friendships do change between stages because our initial meeting was just recognition and mutual interest, but we set playdates and got to know one another better and realized how much more we had in common. In my case, our friendship continued to grow stronger between each of the phases. We spent more time together which led to the fledgling stage in which our moms got to know one another through visits and days by our pool. As both of us and our parents got more comfortable, we began sleepovers, and we were so comfortable just talking and laughing about anything. This friendship has been going strong for 15 years and has stood the test of time, competing demands with work and school and geography as he lives and attends college in Arizona. We don’t talk as often as we used to but when we do, it’s as if we have not missed a beat and we also schedule FaceTime calls and trips to visit one another. I have been fortunate to maintain this friendship but have also experienced cases in which friendships have waned and deteriorated especially those with some high school friendships that never advanced to a nascent level, and we have grown apart through distance and interests as we have less in common. There is also one case, in which there was a deterioration in the friendship as a result of a violation of trust. Through personal experience I understand growing apart; when I went to college and came home for Thanksgiving break my freshman year, I realized that while some of my friends were the same, others changed and I saw the shift in our relationship as we all have made new friends in college, changed locations and did not share as many common interests.
The article I chose to write about is the Hall 2018 study called “How many hours does it take to make a friend?”. There were two questions in which answers were sought: How many hours does it take to distinguish different levels of friendship: acquaintance from causal friend, casual friend from friend and friend from good/best friend and will small talk predict change in friendship closeness over time? The procedure for this study was to gather the hours spent together, shared activities, and everyday talk of the people(variable) to see how many hours it would take to make a friend. The first study dealt with geographic relocation (geography being an external relationship stressor) in which the samples had relocated 50 miles from their prior residence in the last six months for a new job or a partner’s new job. Important to note is that the participants had to meet a new person and that person could not be an old friend, family member or romantic partner. The results of this study indicated that friendship closeness is a function of the amount of time spent together and the type of activity. Time spent hanging out or watching television associated more closeness while time spent at work/school associated less closeness. Probably a result of the prior being more of a choice to be together than the latter since the participants are coworkers or students. The second study dealt with longitudinal friendship in first-year college students in which the samples in this social experiment had to be enrolled in their first semester (freshmen or transfers) who moved to the city within 2 weeks prior to classes starting. The procedure was measured in 3 waves with 3-week intervals. The findings indicated that across all three waves hours spent predicted closeness and consistently demonstrated that when relationships become categorically closer (friend to best friend) the number of hours increased in between waves and conversely, a decrease in categorical closeness was associated with a decrease in time together. To maintain a good friendship, student participants added days and days of time together in a few weeks. The findings were just as I expected, the longer time that these individuals spent together resulted in a stronger friendship/bond as in both studies, hours together was a strong predictor of friendship closeness. These findings matter because they illustrated that investing time with someone results in the development of lasting relationships that satisfy one’s need to belong and ease loneliness. These findings also indicate that these participants chose to invest in one friend versus dividing their time amongst many people creating a quality versus quantity relationship. This is important because quantity does not necessarily help with loneliness as illustrated in the “Marilyn Monroe effect” which is when someone has numerous friendships which are fine in terms of quantity but are lacking in quality of friendships since they are superficial. Ms. Monroe was notorious for being a lonely person.
a. Your best friend has just broken up with their long-term romantic partner.
I understand you have invested a lot of time and energy into this relationship and that you may be sad; however, you are a strong person with many amazing qualities and will see that many new opportunities await you. Know that I am always here for you.
b. A good friend tells you they have been fired from their job.
I understand you are upset right now, and you are justified to feel this way. I can imagine that this is upsetting and overwhelming as you put in a lot of time and effort, but while one door closes a better door might be opening. You are a bright person who is capable of great things so please know that this situation does not define you and that you have a network of friends here to help you.
c. Your best friend from high school calls and says they think about you often even though the two of you no longer maintain much contact.
It’s great to hear from you! I know we have not been in touch in a while due to relocation, family and work, but I would like to remain in touch and if you are ever in the area, please reach out so we can grab a drink or something.
d. A close friend stops you on campus and excitedly says, “I just found out I’ve been accepted into the law school here! Can you believe it?”
I can believe it; you have worked so hard, and I am so happy to see your efforts pay off. Congratulations, and I look forward to hearing about all your success going forward!
Classmate #2 (Molly Glus)
1. One friendship that immediately comes to mind is with my roommate Ava, who I have lived with since freshman year and have continued to live with throughout my four years of college. Proximity was a large factor that affected our friendship development. Living together and sharing a bathroom led us to being around each other even during our personal time, from brushing our teeth to watching television before we went to bed. The proximity of our living situation led us to slowly start going on errands together like grocery shopping, or even tasks like walking to class. Mere exposure was another factor that developed our friendship considerably. As I mentioned before, we have been around each other constantly from the moment we began our college journies as freshman. We have gone through a lot of emotional and personal growth in that time, and because of our consistent closeness, have grown to lean on each other consistently for support.
I agree with the book in the idea that friendships change between stages. Relating that statement back to my example with my roommate, we began with polite interactions that involved no intimacy or deep emotional sharing. After a few weeks of living together, we slowly started revealing our commonalities on values and interests, which led our relationship to begin to slowly deepen. We launched a fledgling relationship about a month into school, slowly sharing moments of self-disclosure to personalize the relationship. While our proximity and exposure affected this relationship development and definitely expedited its growth, we definitely operated through these stages of friendship.
2. The 2018 study by Hall researched the topic of “how many hours does it take to make a friend?” Hall examined this question through hours together, shared activities and everyday talk. Hall hypothesized five statements. First, Hall predicted that hours of time spent together will be positively associated with friendship closeness. Second, the association between time and friendship closeness will be moderate for closed system relationships. Third, as the portion of time spent in joint leisure activities increases, friendship closeness will increase. Fourth, the portion of time spent engaged in conversation will be positively associated with friendship closeness. Lastly, Hall stated that striving communication episodes will be positively associated with increases in friendship closeness.
In his study of adult geographic location and friendship, Hall used people who had relocated from 50 miles from their old place of residence. Those people then had to identify someone who they had met since moving and their gender, as well as where they met them. They were then asked to report when they met the person and how many hours they spent with that person last week. Participants also had to report how they spent time with that person, whether it was talking, relaxing, eating or drinking, etc. Participants were then asked to measure closeness and uniqueness. Time together and close system relationship both were predictors of relationship closeness. Time spent at work or school was associated with less closeness, while time spent hanging out or gaming was associated with more closeness. Time spent talking was not associated with relationship closeness.
These findings are incredibly impactful in terms of recognizing what types of situations have the most impact on relationship development and intimacy. Individuals that have adequate time to prioritize one another and spend time together find themselves in more intimate relationships. As we discussed in our lecture and readings, geographic distance can be an incredibly challenging external tension to overcome to maintain a friendship. These findings confirm this struggle and emphasize that, regardless of our increasing abilities to stay connected with mobile devices, quality time is crucial to friendship development.
3.
a.Your best friend has just broken up with their long-term romantic partner. — Response: You put so much time and energy into your partner over the last few years. I can understand how sad and anxious you are to have to navigate life without this person by your side.
b. A good friend tells you they have been fired from their job. — Response: This job doesn’t define you. You’re still so capable and smart, and you’re able to do anything you set your mind to. Your friends and I are here for you to help you navigate this setback, but remember it doesn’t mean you won’t succeed.
c. Your best friend from high school calls and says they think about you often even though the two of you no longer maintain much contact. — Response: I think about you as well! We both have moved to different cities and have been incredibly busy with work. Just know I will always be here for you regardless of our schedules and separate lives.
d. A close friend stops you on campus and excitedly says, “I just found out I’ve been accepted into the law school here! Can you believe it?” — Response: Congratulations! You must be so excited and proud! This is such a huge accomplishment, and you’ve worked so hard for this moment.
