Comments:
Background is overly long. Deformation and stretching of temperature profile is not important to understanding experiment or anywhere in the report. Provides limited or overly general background.
Purpose-States the purpose or problem ambiguously and/or with excessive detail.
Approach-Measuring the “Size of the shell” was not part of the approach. Describes the approach with excessive detail or omits a key component of the approach.
Findings- Be more specific in description of findings. Explain what temperature were in the same range in the morning hours and which specific areas did not experience stratification. Describe many findings without clearly identifying which is the major finding or describes findings too generally or with insufficient precision to be meaningful.
Implications-Some implications mentioned do not relate to actual findings of the report. Relates findings to the purpose of the study vaguely or only relates some of the major findings to the purpose of the study.
Order of Information- Main implication of transient stratification mentioned before findings. Order of information is in some places illogical.
Language- Be more precise and accurate with your language. What processes are you referring to in the last sentence of the first paragraph?
Various terms used included “structural cells of matter” and “depth of the ocean” and have nothing to do with experiment conducted. Frequently uses ambiguous or overly general language, unnecessary words, or inappropriate precision.
Grammar-Uses correct sentence structure and punctuation.
Other- Limit abstract to one paragraph. Accumulation of pollutants in different areas not a part of the lab report. Meets some of requirements for word count, paragraph length, being self-contained, accurately reflecting main body but not containing identical sentences
