Like create a more suspenseful plot, improve the grammar, writing, more complex language, figurative expressions.Keep the story line but make the essay a lot more interesting,rewrite the essay below
VISITORS ON SUNDAY
I visit my grandfather every Sunday. I love my grandfather, he is nice. He has a glass crystal ball in his house that we play with all the time. The ball shines with rainbow colors when light reflects upon it. Grandfather says it’s magic but mummy says that’s nonsense. Although grandpa and I are the only ones that know the truth…it really is magic.
Mummy takes me to visit Grandfather every Sunday. When we arrive I know exactly what we’ll do. Grandpa will take me to the magic ball, he’ll ask “where do you want to go today Sami?”. I’ll eagerly tell him some place adventurous like “space grandpa!” and we’ll both shut our eyes, put our palms against the ball and when we open them again we’ll be in space. We’ll explore our destination, grandpa will always make a bad joke. He’ll say things like “that moon looks as big as your father’s forehead” and I’ll laugh because of how bad the joke is. We travel every Sunday. The glass ball is always illuminating with different colors every time I visit.
I never visit Grandfather last Sunday. Mummy and Daddy had to attend a funeral so they could not drive me. When Mummy got back home she had red-rimmed teary eyes. She told me Grandfather went to heaven. I got angry at first but I eventually understood what she meant. She must have meant that grandfather used the magic ball to go to heaven. I was sad at first because grandfather and I always use the magic ball to go places together but it’s okay. This Sunday I’ll visit Grandfather, he’ll ask me “where do you want to go Sami?” and I’ll say “heaven Grandpa!” and we’ll go back together.
Mummy drove me to grandfather’s house on Sunday, she was very quiet and looked sad the whole drive. When we arrived their aunt Aisha was in the house. I don’t like aunt Aisha very much. She wears thick red lipstick that always makes a mark on your cheek when she kisses you. Every time she see’s me she says “you haven’t changed a bit”. This time however she kisses me, yuk! I think and she says “oh you poor dear”. I ignored her and ran into the lounge looking for Grandpa. Everyone is acting so weird I think to myself. The glass ball is lying on the coffee table. I call out for grandpa.
Mummy sits me down on the couch and tells me that grandpa is gone to heaven, he’s dead she says.
She hands me the magic ball and says “Your grandfather wanted you to have this”. I look at the magic ball and scream “I don’t want the magic ball!” and throw it onto the glass tiles. I watch as the magic ball shatters into thousands of tiny pieces of glass. The colors from the magic ball are spread all over the floor. It’s okay though, I know the glass ball wasn’t really magic. It was the bond that grandfather and I shared that was the real magic.
